Since retiring I started doing some things I’ve wanted to do and one of those things was to learn how to meditate which is something that has always been kind of hard for me…I use to not be into sitting still had to many things to do.  After I retiring I decided I was going to do some things I felt like I needed to do and so as nuts as I figured it was going to be I was going to conquer it…it’s what we do as a generation.  When we finally figure out what we’re going to we do it…failure is an option, but quitting never is.

It’s taken me some time to get this whole thing going and I started out about two weeks ago trying to meditate for like 20-30 minutes, and then work up to 30 minutes all the time, and then 45 until I finally achieved an hour.  I thought I needed to get to a place where there wasn’t any sounds to speak of and I could be comfortable but I found if I did that after about 15 minutes I was falling asleep…so that wasn’t going to work…napping is not meditation.

Then it happened or I think so…not 100% sure, but for me I figured out my meditation and I can do it anywhere or at least I think I can.  All I do is close my eyes and just allow thoughts to float though my mind…I tried to meditate yesterday twice, and then again today for an hour each time and got nothing.  The strange thing that happened for me was I went out and sat onto the couch.  I just sat there with my eyes closed and these thoughts started after about 10 minutes to float into my mind.  At the same time I heard a siren outside and the first thing I thought was that is a siren and as I started to think about the siren I just let it go and listened to the notes or the vibrations of the siren…I tried to not associate myself with the siren…I just wanted to hear it but not think about where it’s coming from or what kind of siren it was…you know like police, fire, or ambulance…if that makes any sense.  I’m going to try this again later maybe today, but if not then in the morning I will try it.  Here is a story that came to me while I was meditating it was so weird as I just allowed the thought to just create itself and see where it went.

I could see this bug or insect that was swimming in a river.  The bug was expelling a lot of energy as it was stimming like it needs to go somewhere or someplace upstream, so it’s constantly swimming upstream on this river.  Expelling lots of energy swimming against the current and the water is constantly pushing back against it and smacking the port bug in the face, sticks and other objects are smacking it.  I see the poor buy having to make more effort to swim out of the way, or go underwater and that mean it’s harder to swim up the stream so it lose some ground, but keeps swimming.  Then as this thought was presented to me another thought came to me with a solution.  The bug should just stop swimming and turn around and float the other way…maybe grab onto one of the many sticks or other things rushing down the river, and just let it go and allow the flow of the river to carry him to his destination.

I think maybe the idea behind this is to just never worry about the how because something will show up.  Maybe it’s a boat that I find and it’s just sitting still allowing me to climb on to it and get out of the water, and then the boat starts up and takes me up river…maybe I don’t need to be in the river and I could be on car that takes me up to this place…once again no effort just flowing with the solution.  There is no doubt many symbols could be substituted for this story and I can tell you in my life this is something that is very hard do…just letting go of things and allowing them to unfold.   At the same time it’s what my mediation is revealing to me…and I do hear, see, and feel the solution to all lot of my issues could be solved by just letting go…and allowing the flow of things to happen…I really don’t know if I can or can’t at this particular time and I’m ok with not knowing right this minute.  I will continue to meditate and allow my inner self to reveal the necessary things I need to learn.